I'm 20 and I've only had sex a few times. honestly it was awkward, and I didn't know what I was doing. I've been following you for a long time and you seem to be confident in that way. I just want to be able to please my new girl. be a good lover. but I have no fucking idea. can I get a quick step by step? seriously any advice would help? I'm sure a lot of guys could use the advice. you're the man. d.s.
I feel some kind of responsibility here. To answer this question. It’s crazy that we live in this sex-saturated world (just look at your tumblr dash), and yet our “sex education”, if it can be called that, is devoid of any substance whatsoever. And because sex is, in all seriousness, very important in our lives, I’m going to take some time here to pass along a bit of wisdom and real sex education.
I’ll be going into some serious step-by-step detail here, because I don’t know any other way to give a 20 year old a sex education on a tumblr post. I feel like this has to be written. So if you’re gonna read on, strap in.
The majority of men have a backwards perspective on sex. Everything is in a rush. Their biological programming is screaming ”orgasm!” and they just get right to it. So here’s lesson #1: Take your time on her.
Yes, I know that it may not always be easy.
With great sex, it’s about the journey, not the destination. It’s not about the 6 second orgasm at the end. The climax is great, but the ride getting there … that’s what it’s all about. To please a woman, you have to understand the way her body works differently than a mans. Most women need a minimum of 20 minutes of foreplay and sex to orgasm.
75% of women cannot have an orgasm from sexual intercourse alone. 75% of women cannot have an orgasm without tongue, or fingers, or sex toys. That is 3 out of 4. To put it bluntly, your cock isn’t enough by itself, guys. A good lover means being great at foreplay, and great with your tongue and your fingers.
Okay, so a brief step by step. This doesn’t account in any way for all the varieties of sex, all the kinky stuff, all the ways each woman and man is unique sexually. There’s a time for all kinds of sex, quickies, rough sex, romantic sex … This is just a basic overview to pleasing a woman for a novice lover.
Foreplay. That word covers a lot. Kissing. Don’t be too aggressive with your tongue. Slow and relaxed. No rush. Making out is pretty fuckin awesome. Take your time, enjoy it, let your hands explore her body. Touching, caressing, squeezing, rubbing her butt, her back, her breasts. This is all with her clothes on still. Don’t be in a rush to get her clothes off. Admire the curves of her body with your fingers and your hands. Kissing on the neck, just below the ear in particular, sucking on the earlobes, exploring her with your lips. These are sensual areas. Just make out and feel each other up for a little while.
Once her shirt and bra are off, gently kiss and squeeze her breasts. Her breasts are highly sensitive, especially when she is aroused, so until you’re comfortable with a woman, start gently. Lightly squeeze her nipples with your fingers and your mouth. Focus your lips and tongue on both nipples, sucking and swirling.
Let’s say we’re 10 minutes in now. She should be very worked up at this point, and naked. Lightly caress her pussy with your fingers, cup your hand over her and apply gentle pressure, rubbing her, playing with her while making out or sucking on her nipples. Now make a winding trail down her body, moving your lips and tongue along her breasts, her stomach, down to her thighs.
If a lot of that sounds sexy as hell, that’s because it is. It’s supposed to be. This takes us into oral sex.
Start by teasing her; kissing the insides of her thighs, beginning almost up by her knees. First with your lips, and then with tongue, until you’re kissing all around the edges of her pussy. Using only your lips, plant soft kisses directly on her. It is now a matter of progression, slowly using your tongue more and more generously, licking all around her pussy, up and down, mixing up the rhythm and pace.
A few minutes doing this, and you’re going to direct the focus to her clitoris. Also, gently slip one finger all the way inside her, and curl your finger directly up. You’ll feel a soft and squishy patch — this is the g-spot.
To make her climax: Take her clit gently into your mouth, and start sucking. Slowly and lightly at first, and then sucking faster, with more pressure. At the same time, stimulating her g-spot with your middle finger. Changing the pace, faster, slower, softer, harder, repeating these patterns until she cums.
And now … Sex.
Whether you made her cum or not, if you followed through the previous steps, and took 15-20 minutes doing it, she is going to be very turned on, and her sexual sensitivity greatly heightened. Like with everything before it, take it slow. Take your time. Penetration itself should be slow and gentle. Don’t just start thrusting away the minute you get your dick wet. Work it in slowly. And then fuck her with a rhythm, alternating patterns of deeper and harder strokes with softer and shallower thrusts. Change up the position every few minutes, at least a different variation of it.
This is important: Everything described, all the foreplay, it doesn’t stop when you start fucking — keep kissing her neck and squeezing her tits and stimulating her body while you have sex.
Now, the average man only lasts about 6 minutes. So, how to last longer? I don’t like the "think about baseball" advice. You want to be in the moment, soaking it all in. Not thinking about something else.
Two pieces of advice: First, you should be able to control your orgasm by controlling your pace. Know your “point of no return”. Slow down if its getting too intense. Even pull out, go down on her for a minute, let yourself cool down. Second, if you bust quick, you likely masturbate quickly. Change your practice. They call it self-love for a reason. Prolonged masturbation, 30 minute sessions, will greatly increase your ability to last over time.
Sex is a gigantic topic. This is just a small base to go off of for a novice. Every person has their own turn-ons, and even fetishes. From spanking and light choking, to hardcore BDSM stuff. You find out along the way what really turns you on. This is already a fuckin’ essay (apologies) and it’s not even an overview. There’s a library more that could be written. But not tonight. And not on this post.
I sincerely hope that this helps somebody, and that one of you guys blow your girl’s mind because you read this. Then these words will be worth the time they took to write.
Goodnight and good luck.
this is honestly the most amazing thing on sex ive ever read.